This kid is breaking my heart.
Not because she's done anything other than be 100 percent fabulous and amazing on a daily basis. She's completely golden. The only time my heart starts to break is when I begin to imagine the day that she'll be bunking with college roommates, as opposed to me, Dan and Cole.
She started the 10th grade last week. The 10th frickin' grade! I decided to create a layout about this monumental shift in the elements along the same design lines as what I shared last week. This was supposed to be a layout that remarked about the maturity and the changes I've been seeing in my daughter; how she is taking so very many measured steps toward her burgeoning inependence.
But true to my self-absorbed form, it ended up being a little bit about me as well.
But the little bit about me is the part that wonders, and wonders often, have I been a good enough parent?
So with that, I share this page with you. If you have children around the same age or are premenstrual, you might like to have a Kleenex on hand.
JOURNALNG READS: So here we are, Aidan. It’s 2011, you’re 15 years old and starting your sophomore year of high school. Sophomore year of high school! Holy mother of pearl, where has the time gone?
I ask this question, not to simply be a mom cliché, but because this year is really hitting me squarely between the eyes: in two years, you’ll be off to college and you won’t be one of my three roommates anymore. (At least not until holiday breaks come around!) And as exciting as that might seem to you, the idea of college and being out there on your own, this countdown is a bit different on the mom side of things.
I’m writing this as a letter to you and I don’t want to fill it with regrets and what ifs. But it’s hard to not look back and wonder: did I do enough? did you know how proud I was of you? did I show you in some way every single day of your amazing, singular life how blessed and lucky I was and am to share this life with you?
All those years of being a frazzled mom are still clear in my memory. The mom who was far less easy going than the one you know today. The mom who was crabbier than most because I was always jonesing for time to get out to the garage and steal time for a smoke. The mom who didn’t understand than being louder than everyone else didn’t actually mean a victory.
That mom is part of our shared history, yet you seem to have emerged with more grace and wisdom that seems possible for one so young.
So here we are, Aidan. You are this remarkable creature of light and passion and gifts. So much is changing and yet you seem more assured in who you are every day. I remember asking you a while back about why you weren’t out there experimenting with things like drinking, or other things that girls at your age probably shouldn’t be doing, and you simply replied, “I’m not seeking, Mom. I know who I am.”
I think you’ve known who you were from such an early age. It just took some of the adults in your life—i.e. me—a while to catch on. And believe me, sister, you have no bigger fan on the court side of your life than me. (Okay, so maybe your Dad would give me a definite run for the money on that one!)
I love you, Sophomore Girl. Not a minute of this era will I take for granted. I am so thankful to be able to know who you are, every day. So very thankful indeed.
DIGITAL SUPPLIES: Layered Template No. 92 (Cathy Zielske) • Striped Mix: Sunshine Paper Pack (Katie Pertiet) both coming this weekend to the Designer Digitals store • Honey Script font
This template, and everything else in my collection, will be on sale as part of the Designer Digitals 3rd Quarter Sale, beginning this Thursday at 7 a.m. EST, and running through next Wednesday. Save 30% storewide except for gift certificates and licenses