The lap of luxury
Have I talked much about the art of camouflage in all things chub related?
A number of years back I bought a one-piece swimsuit that I dubbed the Distract-A-Suit. The pattern was so obnoxious that people at the pool would be so confused by it they would have to look away, reducing my need to feel self conscious about my doughy, pale white chub sticking out at awkward angles.
Yesterday I agreed to participate in a documentary about scrapbooking being made by a Yale student. I had no idea what to expect, but I made the assumption that a shower and a bra would be required.
Getting ready yesterday morning and carefully (and more or less blindly because I can't see for beans) applying my makeup, I considered my clothing options.The length of this consideration was akin to an eye blink. My choices are that slim.
Black tee, black vest, and jeans.
However, the jeans in the photo above are just too tight to be called comfortable. I'm sorry. I don't do well in clothing that will not allow me to bend or breath, so it was back to the yoga pants.
I mean, heck, they're clean and they're comfy. Surely this film maker is not interested in me from the waist down, and if she is, this is not the type of film I signed up for.
But oh, that waist…
When you wear black from head to toe and stand back before a full length mirror, the camouflage effect is in full swing. You can dismiss the lumpy parts of your back thighs. You can shrug off the tummy overhang. Why, once you toss the vest on, you've got layers of distraction all working their absolute hardest for you.
Right now, I'm regretting my present options for clothing. Can I just say that?
As I get ready to embark on a year long class for Move More, Eat Well, I need to seriously sit down and have a talk to Baby Jesus or Buddha or Jillian Michaels or someone. I need to figure out what the heck is going on over here in St. Paul, Minnesota. I need to understand why the camouflage is needed now more than ever.
The thing I love about life is that it always reminds you not to be so cocky about things you think you know a thing or two about.
Don't get me wrong here, my body gives me a framework in which to live and for that I'm thankful.
But this lap of luxury is getting just a bit out of hand.