I am… I am Super Man… and I can do anything.—R.E.M., a cover song from Life's Rich Pageant, 1986
Sooo… where was I on the old Move More, Eat Well front? Ah, yes… last month, I wrote about some of the realities of where I am right now. One blog reader called me out for whining, and at first I considered it (and of course, felt that drop in the old stomach as one will feel when being called out for something), but then I thought, "Nope, it's not whining. It's reality. And there is a difference."
Reality that I'm 46 and things are going to hurt when I run.
Reality that my metabolic functions aren't what they used to be.
Reality that I am fighting the cravings for sugar and junk because I'm still dabbling in sugar and junk.
Reality that yes, I am still doing the exact same kinds of exercises and not changing things up and therefore not seeing major results.
Reality that I technically know how to fix this, but choose to do things that will sabotage the process like enjoying a glass or two of delicious red wine in the evenings, believing that, what the hell, it's a better than Sprite, right?
I even had a conversation with my therapist about this, and one of the things she told me is that when you indulge every whim and desire [read: decide to eat those fancy cheeses and crackers with your red wine] you are, in essence, behaving like a child. She says that an adult will do what is needed. They don't whine and make excuses. They eat nourishing, nutrient dense foods that sustain the body, not overwhelm it.
I'm really shooting for adulthood here.
I'm also trying to understand how being an adult and being enough can co-exist.
With all the inspirational reading I've been doing lately, I've been trying to look at the relationship between taking full responsibility for the things I want to change and the idea of being enough as I am.
When does enough abdicate you from the responsibility to make changes that you actually need to make.
For example, my current BMI is 25.8 and the normal range is 18.5 – 24.9. The numbers tell me I'm really close and I know that the higher that BMI, the more likely that any manner of health issues could be in my future.
I told my therapist about the year I got really thin, a few years after Aidan was born, and as I was explaning to her that maybe I'm presently at the weight I should be at, "But you said you got down to 120 pounds," to which I replied, "Yes, in 1999, I did… and I did so by smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, drinking coffee and eating basically one meal."
Now that's not very adult at all, is it?
Somtimes, this process makes my head hurt. And sometimes, I get tired of thinking about it all the time. (And believe me, I think about it all the time.) But when I embrace the whole, "I'm tired of this" mentality, that is me not taking responsibility for my health and fitness. Period.
If I choose to be an adult and do what is needed (feed my body well and move it accordingly) then this whole thing doesn't have to be a problem anymore. Or at least that's what they tell me.
That's kind of where my head is at this month, trying to understand what is really needed and how to behave like an adult. Not just when it's convenient. Not just when I can happily report: "I'm down five pounds. Look at how great I am!"
Does any of this resonate with you? Or does it just feel like a bunch of therapy-fueled mumbo jumbo?
It's not always going to be sunshine and roses, this process. I'm not trying to pretend like if you do A, B and C, then the answers will all be crystal clear. Sometimes the path from A to C takes a lot of twists, turns and missteps.
That feels a lot more like reality to me than anything else.
But as one of my favorite animated characters says, "Just keep swimming."
Thank God I still know how to swim.
If you're interested in making changes to your overall health and fitness, Move More, Eat Well is a 12-month online workshop at Big Picture Classes. The focus of this class is to embark on a personal journey that works with your unique lifestyle in helping you to find ways to make the changes you'd like to see on a fitness and health level. Registration is open all year and you can jump in anytime to join the more than 1,550 women and men who've made the decision to try to make changes in their own lives. Move More, Eat Well revolves around a robust community of users who are all creating a scrapbook/journal of their progress. To learn more, click here.