This is not going to be a post about Ben & Jerry's ice cream.
Nor will it be about my decidedly non-chubby hubby Dan.
And while there is a link between them, this is really—surprise, surprise—all about me.
Many of you know I've been trying Move More and Eat Well for coming up on three years.
You know because you've read about the ups, the downs and the many in-betweens of this little health quest of mine over the past 36 months. (And if you've been reading me even longer, many more whines have been posted along the way.) And you've shared a lot of your own very personal stories in the comments over these past many months.
This is not a whine post today. It, like some of my State of the Marriage posts, is hopefully about the truth.
So are you ready for it? The truth? It's not going to come as some big hoo ha, but here it is:
This s#@t is hard for me.
I feel like the lyrics from a ZZ Top song…I been up, I been down… (and for you ZZ Top fans, maybe I am, in fact, looking for some 'tush'—looking for some, ahem, smaller tush, and specifically the size of my own.)
Let me back up with a quick short story about 2012.
On January 1, I weighed 160 pounds. Then I gained 10 pounds in 11 months. The end.
Okay, there's actually more because what you need to know is that I started 2012 up 19 pounds from the sacred low of October 2010.
I'll do the math here: of the 40 I lost back in 2010, 29 are back.
Just so you know, one of the purposes of moving more and eating well is to have a scale that measures a smaller number, or at the very least, one that stays the same.
That said, if there's one thing I've finally connected to this year it's that it's not just about a number on the scale.
So here are the facts:
• At 170 pounds, I'm physically in the best cardiovascular shape of my life, more or less. I can run 3 miles without passing out; I can swim 30 minutes nonstop and am in no danger of drowning.
• My connection to exercise and better mental health has never been stronger. I can attest to this because as I've slacked off on exercise this fall, I've felt far more life stress than at any time in the past three years.
• My attitude remains one of "I can actually do this thing" as opposed to "Oh HADES! Pass me the Sprite and Cheez-Its!"
Here's some more truth: my therapist, who I believe has helped me not only save my marriage but also has helped to save me in pretty much every way possible layed this on me: why would I want to solve my weight problem? I thrive on having a problem. When I keep it a problem, it means I get to keep acting like the child I've been all these years. Acting like a child = indulge myself by eating all manner of foods that really don't fall into the Eating Well category.
But if she wasn't delivering some truth there, it wouldn't hurt to hear it, now would it?
I know there are those of you for whom this is a no-brainer process. And you may sit back and say, "Jeez Zielske, figure it out!"
I assure you, I'm trying to figure it out. Every day is an opportunity to do better. To move more. To eat well. To care for this veritable temple of a body that I am so fortunate to have.
But back to the chubby hubby connection. Here's another story:
When Dan went to Slovenia last Spring, we realized in those 11 days apart that this whole thing we've got going? It's a good thing. It led to six months of food and wine and fun. I was completely plugged into experiencing life—still am, mind you—but it also included a lack of sound judgment as far as quantities and calories have gone.
The fact is that Dan and I don't share metabolic similarities. I can't go mental with food unless I'm running hours every week. And with a nagging foot injury that I'm presently dealing with, that's just not possible.
I love my hubby. I let myself get chubby.
Now it's time to focus.
I'm not pretending that somehow I magically gained weight with zero understanding of how it happened.
My Move More, Eat Well students know my story this year very well. I don't try to present them with the idea that HEY! Look at me! I have it all goin' on!
They, like me, are works in progress. God love 'em.
I am continuing on with the journey and I'm also going to run Move More, Eat Well 2.0 in 2013.
And just because it's almost December doesn't mean I'm going to wait until January 1 to get serious.
Heck no. Today's as good as day as any, right?
What about you? Where are you at as the year begins to wind down and what are your plans for 2013 as far as taking care of you go?
For a short audio message about Move More, Eat Well 2.0, click here.