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April 08, 2013

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya.

Heyoh

I was in the kitchen the other day making dinner and I realized—which happens to me every time I wear my black yoga pants and this particularly puffy oversized shirt from Old Navy—that I looked like a swashbuckling pirate.

I looked like the Dread Pirate Roberts, minus the mask and the tight little tushka.

Dan was sitting at the kitchen table and I brandished a shish-kebab skewer and did my best Mandy Patinkin. (I know, I know—Wesley was the dread pirate Roberts, but stay with me here.) He snapped photos accordingly, at my request.

Then I saw the pics on my phone and it hit me: my body has really changed.

And not exactly in the way I've been shooting for.

I do not a-think you look like you think you look.

Now if you aren't a fan of laments, stop reading now. Not that I am planning this to be one big whine fest, but who can say where it will go once I get warmed up.

I realized the other day that I have been struggling with my weight since I was 30. Math genius that I am, this comes to 17 years of up, down, thin, plump—you know the drill.

It has been an issue for a good chunk of my time here on ol' big blue.

As I have written here before, my "therapist" (she says what we do really isn't therapy) has told me I simply keep this a problem in my life because it allows me to act like a child and indulge every whim rather than do what is needed, which is to feed my body healthy, nutrient dense food in appropriate amounts and to exercise.

As shocking as it is that I, in fact, pay her to tell me these things, the truth of the matter is, I believe her.

Here's the deal: I don't have the be skinny anymore. I tell myself this all the time and it's very comforting. It's very "I'm okay, you're okay." It's very touchy-feely. It's very "I am enough as I am."

But there is a part of me that knows deep down I use it as an excuse to continue keeping this a problem. To continue saying, "Oh hell! Life is short. Let's make cookies!"

But I never just make cookies.

I make batches of them and wash it all down with delicious, sugar-filled sodas. And potato chips. And copious amounts of Reese's Peanut Butter minis.

That's the child in me. That's the addict in me. And that's not okay. It's not enough.

Not only that, the future health consequences could be deadly. That is a fact.

Here's another fact: I can do better. Not super-model thin better. Just a healthier better

I know this experientially from the work I've done with my "therapist" since 2010. I've been making changes in so many areas of my life. It has been a laborious, painstaking process on so many levels. It has required me to look at my inadequacies, something that isn't fun and doesn't make me feel good.

I've spent a lifetime of trying to find ways to feel good. Eating crap is just one in a long list of things I've tried.

We make changes by facing facts and doing what is needed. That's where my head is at today, on this random day in April 2013. I'm shooting for competence. And adulthood.

Not feeling sorry for myself. Not putting judgments on anything.

Honestly, there's no other place I'd rather be that here, stumbling through and figuring it out as I go.

How's that for a Tale from the Scale?

Z

This pirate-laden post has been brought to you by:

 

MMEW_DDbanner

Move More, Eat Well isn't just about tough love. It's about connecting with what you need and doing the best you can to achieve your goals. It's a process that is neither easy nor automatic. Each month, I share more of this journey and scrapbook the story as I go. I've got a group of like minded women who are doing the same. You can join us any time during 2013. You never know what will inspire you to do what is neeed. For more information, click here.

p.s. I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts. My real name is Cathy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

Hello Matey, har har

I feel like it's so much harder now after losing 25+ pounds in 2011 and gaining back all that plus more. I look at a closet full of skinnier clothes and wonder what am I gonna wear every day. I'd like to hear from women in my age group (late 40's) that have managed to sustain a loss to know its really possible.

Well I think you look fabulous. And I love The Princess Bride too
Jo xxx

I had that top from Old Navy.
Its comfy but unless your skeletal, it is not flattering.
I wore it on vacation, saw the pictures of me in it and put it in the Goodwill bin the next day.

Has anyone ever seen Cathy and The Dread Pirate Roberts in the same room at the same time...? Just saying! JX

I had a similar realization... Hello, my name is Rachel and I am an addict, a sugar addict. Last week I started the Whole30...30 days of super clean eating. Only vegetables, good fats, protein, and fruit. No wine (or whine), no sugar, gluten, carbs, etc. I am learning to eat healthier, and I feel good. The first few days were a bit hard, but I am starting to see/feel the benefits of eating good, whole foods for every meal.

I love baking too - but try to get most of it out of the house as soon as I can - I'm fortunate to work in an office so it's easy to bring most of the baking in here - and, I donated a year's worth of baking in a work charity auction - so that's let me find another happy (monthly) consumer of baked goods.

Good luck with your continued efforts in moving more and eating less.

I've increased the amount of running that I've been doing by registering for a marathon - I haven't lost any weight, but I am holding stable (while often caving to - oops I meant indulging in - less-than-ideal food choices) and am more toned (and it gets me out of the house from temptation too). If you're concerned about injury from too much running, there's always the cross-training that a triathlon provides ...

Argh I hear you Cathy! (and no, that's not a swashbuckling Arrrr it's an anguished Argh!) I struggle so much with this. When I eat low carb and lots of veggies I feel so much better - my arthritis is better controlled. And part of me goes "oh, you nearly died 3 years ago, you need to take care of yourself and live a healthy lifestyle", then the other part of me goes "you nearly died 3 years ago, life is short, if you want chocolate, damn well eat chocolate girl!!". Sigh. I will try and listen to your therapist and work on being a grown up. I'll let you know how it goes.

Beautiful post.
Also, your wonderful Princess Bride references just made my Monday. Major thanks!

Awwww, did you have to go and point out to my brain the one thing I was quite comfortably not gonna let it know...I preferred to live in denial for a lil bit longer but looking at the size of my stomach not to mention my a$$ (which I prefer to call heritage thank you!) I think I need to fess up and get on with the healthy living, eating thing. Shucks!

Now as for the pics......you know my fav has got to be the 1st one. Heehee.

Amen sista! Here's to clean eating for the month of April. (and May, and June, and July ...) :)
Thanks for allowing me to gain insight about myself from your therapist!

I know exactly where you're coming from! I've been battling with my weight for the last 17 - 18 years too. I did get down to my pre pregnancies "normal" weight at one stage but it didn't last long and it's now above my pregnancy full term weights! I know I could get down in weight but I seriously lack will power. I even joined Move More Eat Well last year and unfortunately never did anything about it. My sister is coming to live with us for a while in a couple of weeks as she's moving to the UK - she has far more will power than I do and I'm hoping she'll get me on the right track again!

My name is.....prepare to die! Pfffffffttttt! You look fabulous!

Wesley suggests to Inigo that he become the Dread Pirate Roberts at the end of the movie.

I hear you. My problem is I simply love food. I too have struggled with my self image since I was a teen. Never over weight then but constantly told if I just lost my belly bump oh then I would be perfect. When I look at pictures if myself over the years I think man why did I waste so much time stressing about how much I weigh. Today I am carting around more extra pounds then ever. Now I work on striving to eat healthier smaller portions and finding the commitment to simply move more.

Thank you Cathy for you much needed humorous posts.

(jumping up & down screaming) Me! Me! Me! I've done relatively well keeping 25 of the 30lbs I lost 3 years ago - and I run (what feels like a lot) ... but I have this puffy middle and I keep trying to find something wrong (damaged ab muscles, hormonal imbalance, yada, yada). Something to tell me WHY I have this belly ... and love handles ... and while we're at it ... back fat.

But the fact is - I know why. I like cookies. And chips. And Crunch eggs. And Whoppers. And that 3rd taco I didn't need. You get where I'm going.

But I also know when I eat better - I feel better.

And so - like you - I keep trying. Because giving up isn't an option anymore.

Cathy - I totally hear you with this post. I have struggled with my weight too and the only thing that has ever worked for me is eating low carb. No sugar, no flour, no rice or pasta. Lots of veggies, meat, butter, cream and some fruit. I started eating this way just over a month ago and have had great results already. More important is the fact that I feel great! I have always been active (soccer, badminton, yoga) but never could lose weight. I have done Weight Watchers and other plans to no avail and like you I did not want to fill my body with artificial stuff to stay under my point count for the day. I highly recommend Living Low Carb by Jonny Bowden. Such a great book and he talks about all the stigma/myths surrounding low-carb and then reviews all the diets out there. This book explains why we are so fat and it is fascinating. I have not given up cookies (that is never gonna happen!) but I am making them low-carb with almond flour and they taste pretty good! PS - I still think you look great even with a few more pounds on compared to a few years ago!!!

Hey Cathy,
I'm just finishing up the book Salt, Sugar, Fat. It's about how the food industry has spent decades researching how to get us to buy and eat more and more processed food. It's fascinating reading, if a little dry at times. I view processed food (or 'corporate cooking', great term right?) in a whole new light now. This book doesn't excuse over-eating, but I understand now how easy it is to over-eat and how hard it can be to stop, from a food science perspective. It's been very inspirational to me in my journey to eat better. I highly recommend checking it out.

Yeah, I know... the reality of imagination vs photographs, we all need to eat right and exercise, it's true.

But honey - you play pirate in the kitchen and your husband plays along! That rocks!

Go running, eat something healthy and give that man a kiss that is up there in purity and passion and whatever it was Grandpa said Buttercup and Westly shared.

That is the story in these photos too.

THIS is classically awesome: "I simply keep this a problem in my life because it allows me to act like a child and indulge every whim rather than do what is needed, which is to feed my body healthy, nutrient dense food in appropriate amounts and to exercise." I believe that MANY of us are indulging that same sort of child. I have a theory that women experience body issues becuase they are forced by culture to be mature so early in life, to deal with big things and high stressors, that they never get the chance to truely grow into themselves before the culture is telling them what they are doing "wrong." so...many of us hold onto that little girl and feed her cookies...a sort of internal tea party to sooth the child that is still left there waiting to become.

Hi, Boy do I hear you! I'm 57 and have played the weight game for many years. I found out 3 years ago I'm diabetic and lost 15 pounds. But I've gained it all back. I put everyone else ahead of myself and use them as the excuse not to exercise. The statement from your therapist really hit home too. "I simply keep this a problem in my life because it allows me to act like a child". I had many family issues in my childhood - and felt at many times like I was the mother and my mother was the child. Maybe this is my way of getting some of that back - but it's not good - so how do we stop it!!! I am an adult - why can't I act like one now. You have given me some great things to think about. But I will do it while on a long walk today!!

Take care - take it one day at a time - don't beat yourself up!- Now I need to listen to myself!

I hear ya. As you know, if we really felt "I am enough" we wouldn't be overeating and treating our bodies this way. Funny how we can turn the phrases we really need into excuses to abuse ourselves.

I think every step toward being aware and present brings me closer to being unable to still abuse myself with food. I love how easy it is to "take the edge off" with food, but it doesn't serve me---it makes everything harder. So I'm committed to this path too.

I came across the Happy Herbivore website, and ever since then have felt much better by using her meal plans and cookbooks. You should check it out: happyherbivore.com

I think I could use some time with your therapist. Too bad I don't live in MN.

heritage? that is funny! you made me smile!

oh thats right. he does!

Oh Christine, she doesnt live in Minnesota. FYI. She lives in Southern California. We talk three times monthly by phone. Crazy. But true.

Oh dear. You and I are twins, as my 13 year old says. :P

I seem to flip between feeling like an obese ogre and then catching a glimpse of myself (when dressed in my most slimming yoga pants attire) and think, "Hey, you're not so bad. Geez." and then going bra (!!) shopping and realizing Oh.my.gosh. that is a ton of weight hanging all over the place--I have got to figure this out.

I'm with you--I want to find a balance of accepting and loving myself, and also being a healthy weight that allows me to live long and not be so dang tired (likely food related more than weight, but it's all connected, yes?) and put on clothes and not feel ick. *And* be able to enjoy something sweet and/or deliciously divine from time to time. Why is this too much to ask??!?

Thanks for your posts on the weight issue. I appreciate hearing honest words from a real life woman who has had kiddos (but they are too old to blame the weight on them anymore, lol) and just all around....thanks.

Great post. Needed to hear these words today...thanks.

Oh, honey. Preaching to the (whiny) choir. I keep trying to blame my physiology: something must have changed. I'm doing what I've always done why am I not losing weight? Answer: Because you are NOT doing what you've always done. You are cheating and sneaking and nibbling off your kids plates and not counting it. You're not getting up at 5am and rocking a workout. You're being lazy and either not getting up or only giving it half the effort. *sigh* Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I bought a fit bit zip and for the next month EVERYTHING I eat goes on (digital) paper. I have a tap recital (involving short skits/men's shirts) and a big vacation coming up in a month and I refuse to be unhappy with these two events because of something that is totally under my control.

PS: As you wish. ;)

As you wish, indeed. ; )

The things our mind does to fool us into thinking we're thinner than we actually are is amazing.. Mine's been fooling with me since I had my first monthly.

My DD {tricia} has started on Body by Vi {ViSalus} [url]http://trishajojune.bodybyvi.com/[/url] and lost some weight. Its a shake and healthy meal or two. They also have snacks but I'm just doing the shake. I also started on it recently, only a few days now.. I'm using the Body by Vi for weight loss, to lower my blood pressure and to get vitamins in my body that I have a hard time with due to my health issues.

I've only been on it for a few days and I have lots of extra energy, which I need when the grandkids are over. And I just feel like the shake is making me feel better with all the vitamins that my body couldn't absorb before... kwim

Hugs,

PattiM
{Pattie's passion}

I Scrap So All Moments Are Remembered!

Sorry, that didn't work.. supposed to take you straight to her page.

Just enter trishajojune into the search box under first-time visitor, click the magnifying glass and it will take you to her page. You will also see a avatar of tricia martin in the upper right hand corner with a contact me link.

Hugs,

PattiM
{Pattie's passion}

I Scrap So All Moments Are Remembered!

I have no advice. It took a long time, a lifetime, for me to believe that I deserved to become the center of my life. That no one else's needs are more important than mine. And I have to remind myself regularly. It requires a lot of conscious thought, right now. But I actually believe it now. I don't just hear it and think it makes sense, I believe it.

One thing that I know helped me was leaving my home and finding work in an office setting. I loved the creative freedom and independence of working from home, but for me it was too much time in my head. And too much boredome that I'd fill with acting out every foodie and baking fantasy. There are many things I do not like about corporate work and commuting to work. But, I recognize the clarity and separation it has given me from my home life...and my fridge.

"As you wish" is exactly what I was going to say.... But hey, if you figure out the S.O.U.S.s (Snacks Of Unusual Size) maybe one day you'll get out of the Pit of Despair? And even Buttercup had Cary Elwes to help her (and vice versa) - we'll be your Westley!

And if all else fails, just remember, never get involved in a land war in Asia x

(Sorry. I have may have spent too long at the Cliffs of Insanity.)

I'm in your MMEW class this year, and everything you say puts me one step closer to the changes I need to make. Every drop of wisdom from you helps fill my bucket. You aren't only wise, you're also funny, a lethal combination.

Find balance, Cathy. It's not about the looks, because we're not meant to look the same in our forties (and beyond) as we did in our twenties .... and that's allright. A good, happy life is about being healthy, about growing in Love and Wisdom as the years pass, about finding people and experiences along the way that tickle and nurture our souls and every one of our senses. It's taken some years (and some therapy) to get the picture this clear, but there's nothing like it when you arrive. Best wishes♥

I prayed last night that Hershey's never goes out of business. Don't judge. I love Reese's that much. Because of those miniatures you speak of (the easter bunny brought those thinking mom wouldn't indulge as much. ha!) I burned 571 calories walking the treadmill today. Give and take baby. Give and take.

I prayed last night that Hershey's never goes out of business. Don't judge. I love Reese's that much. Because of those miniatures you speak of (the easter bunny brought those thinking mom wouldn't indulge as much. ha!) I burned 571 calories walking the treadmill today. Give and take baby. Give and take.

I prayed last night that Hershey's never goes out of business. Don't judge. I love Reese's that much. Because of those miniatures you speak of (the easter bunny brought those thinking mom wouldn't indulge as much. ha!) I burned 571 calories walking the treadmill today. Give and take baby. Give and take.

I so get this..."I've spent a lifetime of trying to find ways to feel good. Eating crap is just one in a long list of things I've tried." I want to feel good as if the tooth fairy is going to drop 'feeling good' down on me. Total addictive behavior. btdt, and still do it. The good thing is I recognize it sooner rather than later. There is no final cure for me - I'm not a ham. It's just one day at a time awareness. We're all learning Cathy.

I so get this..."I've spent a lifetime of trying to find ways to feel good. Eating crap is just one in a long list of things I've tried." I want to feel good as if the tooth fairy is going to drop 'feeling good' down on me. Total addictive behavior. btdt, and still do it. The good thing is I recognize it sooner rather than later. There is no final cure for me - I'm not a ham. It's just one day at a time awareness. We're all learning Cathy.

For me love and comfort came through food...preparing it, serving it and eating it. Also, How do we celebrate - eat cake, ice cream cookies ...splurge on something. Just about a year ago I couldn't even get out of bed to go to church I felt so bad...emotionally, mentally and physically. Laying there I decided that I had had enough. When I eventually got up I dug out all the low carb stuff I had tried a decade earlier. It was the only thing that has ever worked. It took 3 weeks to get over the headaches, hunger, grumpiness etc but it has gotten easier everyday since. I know you have talked about not wanting to be really strict but I tell you it has so worked for me. I can't go back and forth and have it work. It didn't matter how much exercise I did. I have not had sugar or a French fry in a year and I don't miss them at all at this point. Truly I am typing this in McDonald's. I am down 55 plus pounds and wearing an outfit that makes me happier than any chocolate chip cookie ever could. That, however, I think is part of what I had to change. I had to work on finding ways to make me happy that didn't involve sugar and carbs. Some of that has been spending money on scrapbooking...such as a number of your classes and the other half has been finding foods that fill those old voids...celebratory and comfort. 5 years ago under stress I would have baked those cookies...1 year ago I would have made whole wheat chocolate chip muffins with little sugar...today I would eat sugar free raspberry jello with home made whipped cream. The key is admitting that I really like it and that I am not depriving myself as our culture teaches us to think.

For me love and comfort came through food...preparing it, serving it and eating it. Also, How do we celebrate - eat cake, ice cream cookies ...splurge on something. Just about a year ago I couldn't even get out of bed to go to church I felt so bad...emotionally, mentally and physically. Laying there I decided that I had had enough. When I eventually got up I dug out all the low carb stuff I had tried a decade earlier. It was the only thing that has ever worked. It took 3 weeks to get over the headaches, hunger, grumpiness etc but it has gotten easier everyday since. I know you have talked about not wanting to be really strict but I tell you it has so worked for me. I can't go back and forth and have it work. It didn't matter how much exercise I did. I have not had sugar or a French fry in a year and I don't miss them at all at this point. Truly I am typing this in McDonald's. I am down 55 plus pounds and wearing an outfit that makes me happier than any chocolate chip cookie ever could. That, however, I think is part of what I had to change. I had to work on finding ways to make me happy that didn't involve sugar and carbs. Some of that has been spending money on scrapbooking...such as a number of your classes and the other half has been finding foods that fill those old voids...celebratory and comfort. 5 years ago under stress I would have baked those cookies...1 year ago I would have made whole wheat chocolate chip muffins with little sugar...today I would eat sugar free raspberry jello with home made whipped cream. The key is admitting that I really like it and that I am not depriving myself as our culture teaches us to think.

For me love and comfort came through food...preparing it, serving it and eating it. Also, How do we celebrate - eat cake, ice cream cookies ...splurge on something. Just about a year ago I couldn't even get out of bed to go to church I felt so bad...emotionally, mentally and physically. Laying there I decided that I had had enough. When I eventually got up I dug out all the low carb stuff I had tried a decade earlier. It was the only thing that has ever worked. It took 3 weeks to get over the headaches, hunger, grumpiness etc but it has gotten easier everyday since. I know you have talked about not wanting to be really strict but I tell you it has so worked for me. I can't go back and forth and have it work. It didn't matter how much exercise I did. I have not had sugar or a French fry in a year and I don't miss them at all at this point. Truly I am typing this in McDonald's. I am down 55 plus pounds and wearing an outfit that makes me happier than any chocolate chip cookie ever could. That, however, I think is part of what I had to change. I had to work on finding ways to make me happy that didn't involve sugar and carbs. Some of that has been spending money on scrapbooking...such as a number of your classes and the other half has been finding foods that fill those old voids...celebratory and comfort. 5 years ago under stress I would have baked those cookies...1 year ago I would have made whole wheat chocolate chip muffins with little sugar...today I would eat sugar free raspberry jello with home made whipped cream. The key is admitting that I really like it and that I am not depriving myself as our culture teaches us to think.

Sorry about the duplicates...it kept giving an error saying it could not post.

On a random April day in 2010 I had a similar experience. Looking at pics of my daughter at an Easter egg hunt there was this fat woman in a pink shirt in one of the shots and to my horror it dawned on me that fat woman was ME. Holy crap! I ate less, exercised, lost 20 lbs in 8 mos. Hit a plateau. And I've been losing and gaining the same 2 lbs ever since. I know the bite size twix, butterfinger and snickers I eat every day at the office don't help, but I can't seem to break through this barrier. I have lots of theories why, but it doesn't seem to matter. So, I just do the best I can. Try to make small changes. Let go of the failures. And read your blog so I know I am not alone.

bdaiss - you are spot on. Everything you just said is what I am doing. And gaining and losing the same pounds over and over. And i KNOW IT and yet, somehow, I keep doing it. WTH?

Cathy, I love you.

You need to play The Princess Bride drinking game, if I recall correctly - it's awesome! Just to chime in with the whole sugar addiction thing. David Gillespie's books are great and breaking the sugar habit is a revelation. I used to have a problem sleeping, but have just realised after two months without sugar that sleep is a problem no more. Being sugarfree also helps mental clarity and with mood swings. Check out his books when you have a spare moment :)

Aw, reallly? ; )

It's not you sweety, it's that shirt. Really. Love you.

Love that your "therapist" doesn't even live in your area. How trendy you are. :)

I think you look fine and I think your attitude rocks, so I'm no help. But I can only offer what I know of my experience...I have not had any major weight issues, but def have gained as I've gotten older and have tried to be a little healthier in my habits. I used to think about my diet a lot...like 'ok I will eat this little salad then have a piece of chocolate later' & sort of plan it out. But I never saw results. One day I woke up and was just like I'm tired of thinking about it, worrying about it and just stopped obsessing. In turn, I've been eating healthier than I ever have, I don't really think about it, I still enjoy things I like, I try not to overindulge, but it has become more of a way of life by putting into action and not dwelling on it in thought so much. Sorry, that was wordy. I'm not sure if something like that would work for you, but just wanted to offer an idea. I would say I haven't lost a ton of weight but I've managed to stay in an area where I am comfortable and feel good. Best of luck to you!

I am a year older then you and have been playing with the same 10 pounds since I had kids and my kids are teenagers! Not too long ago on Pinterest I saw that someone had pinned a quote that said something about you can't expect different results with the same old effort. So, when I am reaching for some kind of junk food - I tell myself that. I work so hard on my exercise and then I blow it with poor food choices. That junk food is really not that good - we don't need it! Feel good about yourself - make good choices! And know that you aren't alone, there is a bunch of us out there trying to do the same. :)

Thank you for sharing your journey & insights! I find that often when I feel hungry, I'm not physically hungry. I'm emotionally hungry. And I often try to "feel full" by stuffing down anything that my tastebuds think tastes good. My hubby & I decided to make some simple lifestyle changes, kinda following the Mediterranean diet/lifestyle. It's really helped us to have more healthy options in the house. But the biggest thing that's helped me is just being aware. Pausing before I eat something to ask myself, "Am I really hungry?" Sometimes I'm just thirsty & water fixes it. Other times, me & my journal get cozy. :)

oh my god, that's it! THAT is why I eat crap, because it allows me to act like a child, and not grow up! (thank you, and thank your therapist for me!!) Not to mention, it makes me feel better (at least for a period of time) when I do it... that whole sugar/fat thing going on, you know. And here I seriously would have said, I'm an adult, so I can eat what I WANT, darn it! (exactly the opposite, apparently.) So, how do I get to want to grow up?? I'm almost 44; I suppose I should, some time?

I really want to come back and read the comments on this post, when I'm in a better frame of mind. Since I just ate microwave popcorn for dinner, I don't think now is the right time. And seriously, thank you for writing about these subjects from the heart- you cannot imagine how good it is to read that other people have the same internal struggles going on, and can overcome them.

thank you for your insightful comments, Donna A. I would love to get to where you are; I just don't know how to get past the 'worst' part of it... I cave and eat a candy bar, cookie, french fry, or chips after only a day or two. Congratulations on your success!

Thanks so much for this post. I read it a few days ago, and your therapist's comment stuck with me. Thanks to you, I just started a Whole30 today:

http://houseofpeanut.blogspot.com/2013/05/we-live-our-lives-on-feeling.html

This is why I read your blog :D

I just found your blog through ARC's blog houseofpeanut.blogspot. The comment by your "therapist" about eating crap being a childlike thing has been resonating with me for the past few days. I had just been starting to focus on the whole "eating crap while reading as a sensory blissed out distraction to the stressors in my life" which is a coping mechanism from childhood, that isn't working anymore, it's not helping me check out the way it used to, but I'm still doing it. I can tell I'm on the cusp of something with it.

Thanks for sharing your work, and thank goodness it's nowhere near as bad as putting lemon juice on a paper cut. (sadly the only PB reference I could come up with!)

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