Blue Raspberry ICEE's mean only one thing in my life: I'm throwing in the towel in that particular moment and saying "Hell yes!" to Blue Dye No. 22 and overall lesser health.
And Holy Mother of Frozen Slush Drinks, I freaking LOVE Blue Raspberry ICEEs.
I've been shrugging my shoulders and saying, "WTF" a lot lately in regards to crap food choices. Specifically, since March 6th, when after two full months of moving more and eating well, I decided that sugar wasn't so bad.
It started with wine. Then some chips. Then some more obviously sugared items—cookies, peanut butter by the spoonful—you get the picture.
My body doesn't know the difference between such items. It just metabolizes it all into sugar in my blood stream.
And I get hooked real quick like.
And then my brain says, "Yes, please!"
I know what I need to do but I'm choosing not to do it and because of the choices I am making there are consequences.
Consequences: gaining weight, achey joints, a sense that I am not doing what is needed.
And then I tend to feel sorry for myself.
I rarely talk about my issue with chub and food with my therapist. Why? Because she told me once a long time ago, "You know what is needed, so do it."
I find it really hard to do what is needed where sugar is concerned.
I know I need to eat balanced meals and avoid junk. And move my body. And drink water.
I'm not interested in fads or quick fixes. (Okay, that's a lie. I'd be SUPER into a quick fix except that I know they don't exist.)
But those little synapses in my brain sure do love their sugar.
And I keep thinking I can dabble. A little here, a little there. The spice of life, right? But my body and brain don't work that way. It's just like smoking. If I bum a smoke on a Monday, even after 8 years of smoke-free living, I know for a fact I'd be bumming a second one by Friday.
When I do what is needed, I feel better physically and mentally. Maybe it's because I'm putting a lot of energy into stuff that's going on in my family—the good, the challenging, the inbetween—and because I'm working to really be the type of woman I want to be in my relationships, I'm still letting some things slide so that I don't have to fully be a responsible adult in all areas.
I think that's the answer.
That, and I need a string of a few days without food crap to start the momentum moving in a positive direction.
So that's what I'm working on today. I look at every morning as a potential sugar detox.
I just don't always choose to follow through.
Anyone else want to check in?