Bits&Pieces

So where was I? (more true life tales from the scale)

Oh yes, I was in yoga pants…

It's been many moons since I blogged about my victories (and tribulations) as they related to all manner of chub and bathroom scale issues. Maybe because the last time I did, one of my blog readers said, "Um, Cathy, no offense, but why don't you start DOING something about it, instead of just whining about it?"

And while part of me wanted to say, "Hi. Have you MET me?" instead, I thought: "Touché, my dear. Touché."

And try things I did!

I first tried the infamous Cabbage Soup Diet. Mmmm. That was special. I recall with fondness Day 4—the banana and milk day. All the milk and bananas you can ingest! Great, if you happen to like them. Nightmarish if the smell of banana makes  you nauseous and you haven't sipped milk willingly since the age of 12.

My main goal with the CSD cleanse was simply to get off the Reeses Peanut Butter cups. You know, get that sugar monkey off my back, and for a while, it worked like a charm. I actually loved the soup and maybe dropped three pounds. The best part? I abstained from Reeses Peanut Butter cups for a whole two weeks!

Then I tried moderation.

Then I tried exercise. You know, get up early, hop on the treadmill every morning. Do a simple weight lifting routine every other day.

Now I say "tried" exercise because I didn't exactly stick to it like I have during past weight loss campaigns. I sampled it. I went to a wine tasting, if you will, of exercise. I had myself an amuse bouche of exercise.

Then for a number of weeks, I just chubbed, I mean chugged along, just eating what I damn well pleased, thank you very much. This approach works just fine until you realize you have to go out in public to places where people you know are, and nothing in your closet fits.

Long story short: the switch just hasn't flipped for me yet.

I'm a switch person. What this means, is when the switch is flipped to the ON position, I am the most focused person you'll ever meet. Nothing can stand in the way of me and my goal. When the switch is in the OFF position, well… that's where the yoga pants come into play.

I'm black and white. There's sadly almost no room for any gray in my life. Never has been, and even with copious amounts of intensive therapy, there probably never will be.

The other problem I have truly accepting that this is a life-long effort. I won't simply drop 20 pounds and stay there magically without constant mindfulness. I've done this before. Lost weight and celebrated by eating again…the cruelest of oxymorons really. I need to accept that I have to make substantive and permanent changes.

I have an addictive personality. For half my life, it was cigarettes. Now, it's food.

I was recently explaining to Dan that the difference between kicking a smoking habit and kicking a food habit is this: you HAVE to eat. You don't HAVE to smoke. Most people, when they quit smoking, or drinking booze... they know they can't dabble in it. Not once, or they're off the wagon. But with food, you have to use it every single day. Think about it. You have to carefully dabble in something you have a difficult time handling in the first place. Every. Single. Day.

I know what has to be done and I understand what I have to do to make it so. So no whining today. My eyes are open and I'm taking it one day at a time.

And I'm not embarrassed to say yoga pants are my friend.

Just sharing a bit of the journey with you.

A shot at cleaner and greener

Last month, I wrote whined about how puffy I was feeling. It's interesting to me that of all the things I write about, scrapbooking included, weight posts elicit the most comments. I do love the commiseration. I like knowing I am not the only one when it seems as though I'm swimming in a sea of people for whom food and weight is not an issue.

I also didn't realize I'd like getting kicked in the ass to stop whining and do something about it. One blog reader said, "Sorry. Not going to join your pity party." At first, I was all, WHAT? Wha? HUH? And then I was all, "Don't you know I'm not motivated by tough love?" And then I was all, "Alright already! I'll do something about it." (So thank you, blog reader, and you know who you are!)

What I decided to do was try and clean out as much sugar, fat and salt as I could from my diet. And get moving again. And make better choices.

Believe it or not, I decided to do the infamous Cabbage Soup Diet/Cleanse. Yes, that's right. The same diet your mother might have done in 1974. I'd  heard good things about it from a friend as a way to help curb your sugar cravings and get you in the right frame of mind to start a diet anew.

Unfortunately, by the time I got to the day known as the Milk and Banana Day, I'd had enough. (I don't drink milk and I don't eat bananas. I was kind of screwed on that one.) Still, the first three days gave me the jump start I needed to get back on the healthy horse and ride.

I read a book that most of you have probably heard of, Skinny Bitch. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a diet book about the vegan lifestyle, layered with enough profanity it would make your mother blush. A girlfriend of mine went vegan and it changed her body in mind in several ways. LET ME SAY THIS: I have no plans to become vegan and I respect ALL choices of how people choose to eat, but you need to know this as a back story to what I'm doing this summer, and possibly beyond.

The book is brutally truthful about the food and meat industries, as you would expect it to be, considering the topic. [Edited to add: this is NOT an endorsement of this book in any way.]  But there were several nuggets of interest to me. See, my sweet One-Three is vegetarian. Has been for a while now. This is pretty common among her friends, too. They just don't eat meat. From 19 to 22, I too was a vegetarian. Not sure what triggered it, but it was a Burger King cheeseburger that ended it, I remember that quite clearly. I love a good steak. I love a good burger. But this summer, I'm taking a break from meat.

 

The good thing for me? I love alternative sources of protein. I adore tofu. Beans are my friend. And truthfully, other than a good steak or burger, I'm not a big meat eater. So there's that.

Next, I'm going to eat cleaner and greener. Even though I tend to flinch at organic prices, I'm buying as much organic produce as I can find at Whole Foods, my local farmers market, or even my neighborhood Rainbow Foods store. I'm trying to put better stuff in and feel better. It seems like a logical cycle.

I'm also cutting my dairy to a minimum. No worry on the calcium and protein. I'm making up for it with other foods, and vitamins. I've never been big on dairy anyway. I used to sit at our family dinner table as a kid long after everyone else had left, just staring down a big old glass of warm milk, willing it to disappear on its own.

Although don't ask me to give up all dairy. That goat cheese on the pizza above? DIVINE.

Finally, I'm reading a book called The End of Overeating, a rather scientific look at the food industry in our country, and how it's not just that we don't have will power, but that we really don't have a chance against salt, fat and sugar. I'm just barely into it, but I'm finding it interesting.

I'm not looking for excuses right now. I'm looking for information and then deciding how it can help me achieve my goals.

Finally, I'm exercising at least five days a week. Walking. Light weight training. No, I don't have a gym membership. I'm just making it up as a I go.

Still doesn't mean I won't whine about my puffy ass every now and then. Because believe me, I will. But I just thought I'd share how I'm trying to make some positive changes that will hopefully result in feeling better overall.

Note: I'll post a few of the recipes for the above pics later this week.

Haven't weighed this much since I was 6 months pregnant! HOLLA!

It was just over six months ago that I came on here, all full of vim and vigor, talking, apparently out of my ass, about gettin' fit and losin' weight and bein' all that I could be.

You remember… I made the funny cover of me on my own version of O magazine. It was shore 'nuf funny stuff. Good times. Woo hoo. That Cathy. What a wackadoo!

Late last week, I found myself in for my annual "Ladies Business" exam, which means in addition to making uncomfortable small talk while having my nether regions reviewed, I also got to jump on the old doctor's office scale, also known as the Evil and Blinding Messenger of Truth and Ego Destruction.

And you know, and I know, and EVERYONE knows that the doctor's scale is always WAY more than your typical home scale, right?

So when she stopped on 179, I just chuckled, and said something to the effect of, "Is this thing stoned?" and quickly stepped off.

Then I launched into my, "Did you know I quit smoking three years ago, and used to weight 140 pounds and thought THAT was heavy" litany, the same one I also like to give anyone I haven't seen in a while, and the nurse just smiled, and patted the back of my hand and said, "I used to be skinny too!"

Sigh.

I'm stuck. And I don't feel all that witty or clever or fun right now. Just puffy and round and on the verge of jumping into the 180s and beyond.

I wish there was a pill I could take, just one time, to solve this issue. Even if it meant I'd immediately grow a tail.

I know what it takes to do what it is that I seem to want, but right now, I seriously just want to throw up my hands and say: TO HELL WITH IT! GIVE ME THOSE PRINGLES NOW!

I'm sure when I'm thinking clearer I'll regret this post, which is beginning to feel a bit like a drunk dial.

At the same time, I just needed to piss and moan a little about this. I don't feel cute. I don't feel strong. And I don't feel like I have what it takes today to do anything about it.

Thank God for tomorrow, right?

Whine session, over. Thank you.

Missing: Have You Seen This Rear View?

I would like to report my former butt as officially missing.

Last seen: April 2006, walking away from my home, along side a laundry basket.

Recent sightings: in fall 2007 it showed up briefly after five months on Weight Watchers, since then, no one has seen hide nor hair of it.

If you have any information at all, please, I'm begging you, leave a comment.

These J Jill jeans have been clinging to the hope they'll see the light of day again for months now.

If you know anything, please report it to the proper local authorities. I don't usually use my blog for political purposes, but sometimes in times like these I am left with no choice.

Thank you.

Tales from the Scale: Special End-of-the-Month Woe-Filled + Scrapbooking Edition!

I know I usually only post Tales from the Scale on a monthly basis, so forgive this one for being somewhat out of the official sequence, as it's coming here on the heels of April (or wait, is it the toes of April and the heels of May?) Either way… I had sort of a come to Baby Jesus meeting with myself over the weekend, and even made a scrapbook page regarding this issue.

(You know if you're making scrapbook pages about it, it's hitting the big time, from a subject standpoint, right?)

The pity party kicked off on friday afternoon, when, while flipping channels, I landed on a rebroadcast of the Season 2 finale of The Biggest Loser. Surprisingly, I'd never seen this show before that moment. I have to pick and choose my reality television carefully, and 9 times out of 10, my vote has to go to either American Idol or Rock of Love Bus. But as I curled up on the couch with a bowlful of Lay's Dill-flavored potato chips and a fresh, sparkling glass of Sprite, I was surprised at just how many times I had to reach for the Kleenex while watching. Pretty powerful stuff, I have to say.

See, my health and fitness journey (oh hell, let's just call it what it is—a bloody diet) isn't going as well as I'd hoped when I began last January. It's mostly because of eating too much and not excercising enough. Yeah, that's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Watching The Biggest Loser, I realized that my casual walks on the treadmill aren't going to do a whole lot to change my physical appearance and that just maybe there needs to be a little more sweat action than I'm getting presently. My muscles haven't ached in years. Something's gotta give.

So, I dug out an old photo from July 2008. I took this photo when Donna has posted her big reveal documenting her weight loss. I took this photo to serve as my "before" shot. Funny this is, eight months later, I weigh 10 pounds more than when I took the blurry shot. I decided it'd be a good motivational contribution to a layout about this issue I have with my body.

And then I made this page:

[materials patterned paper (Scenic Route) + Helvetica and Archer fonts]

One thing I realized in this process, aside from the fact that I need to make some serious decisions about my commitment level to getting into shape, is how much I love the more digital aspects of story-telling. Most of this layout was built in Adobe InDesign, printed out onto photo paper, then combined with a few real world scrapbooking supplies. I don't miss the dimension of elements sticking up on pop dots, or the fact that stuff from my stash just sits unused in my storage bins. I just like that I had an organic inspiration to make a page, and took the digital hybrid approach to complete it.

I know that both Photoshop and Photoshop Elements are really the standards for digi/hybrid scrapbooking, and I'm using and demonstrating PSE to create the album pages in my BigPicture class, but I gotta tell you: I hope one day InDesign catches on. For those of you who own the Adobe Creative Suite, you should play a bit more in it. It's a pretty derned powerful thing.

My point is that I love when a story is hovering in your brain and needs to get out and be told, and in a few quick digital steps, you are able to quickly document and save it.

I'm not sure how losing weight and my love for InDesign combine, but the result is a scrapbook page that documents a slice of my life. And telling your own story, even when it's not fun, cute or sexy, is still a good thing. Know what I'm saying?

Anyway, I'm wondering how many blog readers own InDesign and would be interested in learning more about how to use it for scrapbooking? If you're one of those readers, let me know.

Hey, maybe this wasn't such a woe-filled Tale from the Scale after all! Thanks, scrapbooking and technology! Today is the first day of the rest of my sweat-filled, shapely life!

More Sordid Tales from the Scale: March Edition

Hello, Weight Loss Lovin' Blog Readers!

Cathy here, reporting monthly as promised, on my own utterly fascinating journey to better health and well being, and quite possibly to wearing size 10 pants again.

And this month, I can say this: losing weight sucks, and is hard.

Can I get an amen, sisters and brothers?

Alright, first the good news: since we last visited on this topic, I've shed a few more of those unwanted chub nuggets. I'm not sure what the math was from the last report, but since January 3rd, I'm down 11 pounds total. [insert somewhat restrained but nonetheless celebratory woot-wooting] This places the current weight calculation, as of last Saturday's semi-official weigh in, at 164.

I am feeling really good about this because one of my goals in this round of weight loss is to take it slow and steady. Nothing too over the top. No personal trainers. No crazy fads like Flirty Girl Fitness (though secretly, I really DO want to learn pole dancing). No starvation diets. And of course, no smoking. In short, nothing that's so extreme it'll send me packing all the way back to Lays Potato Chip and Couch Land.

So far…so good.

Still following Weight Watchers Online. Still using my treadmill every day for 30 minutes. (Although my secret weapon? Watching E True Hollywood Stories while on it. I never knew Jessica Simpson's story could be so compelling!) And still trying to make good choices instead of poor ones.

My next big goal? Break the 160 barrier. Some say it can't be done. Some say it's simply too dangerous. It's unrealistic. It's simply dreaming beyond achievable barriers.

I say LET ME DREAM. And pass me the Weight Watchers Giant Fudge Bars while you're at it. 

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Coming later this week:

• A totally awesome giveaway from my newest advertiser, Reflections 2009.

• A sneak peek at my brand new workshop over at Big Picture Scrapbooking, as well as official details on class content, dates and pricing.

• Constant Tweeting and  Facebooking because I'm unemployed (and my new workshop revolves around Twitter and Facebook). Aw yeah! Bring on guilt-free internet time.

• The announcement of a new blog feature that involves you, and making scrapbook pages that—I'll just say it—look better.

The Scales of Justice (or, as promised, I weigh in—get it, "weigh" in?—on the first month)

One month. Five pounds. End of story.

Okay... I suppose I can't be THAT brief, now can I?

I have joined Weight Watchers at three distinct points in my life (no pun intended there, uh, with the points reference. Man, I am just FULL of them today! Puns, that is, not points. Believe me... I'm so NOT full. And apparently, I'm going to be on a roll with the parenthetical statements, as well).

Three times. First, after Cole was born and I wanted to lose weight. And let me tell you this: thanks to OCD and smoking, it was a cake walk to lose the weight (not literally... you know, I actually AVOIDED cake, right?)

The second time was after I'd quit smoking and decided enough was enough, Willie Ames! I'm going to get in shape for the Crowded House Concert. And it was so.

Which brings us to today.

Now each time I've done WW, one thing as been fairly consistent, at least for the first three months each time: i've lost weight with each weekly weigh in. Every single time. Except for this past Saturday.

Now, here's how we do it: we don't weigh ourselves every day. We know all about fluctuations, water retention, demonic weight-bestowing overlords that live in the base of my spine, etc. Saturday is my only day, the day I step on my temperamental Homedics scale and sow the seeds or fruits (low points!) of my labor.

And this Saturday? Up one pound from last Saturday.

I know what you're thinking: shouldn't have eaten ALL THOSE EXTRA POINTS, CATH!

But the thing is, I didn't. I stayed the course, 1,000 points of light. (Well, actually, only 22 daily points, but you know what I mean.)

My point? One month, and five net pounds.

Has it been easy? No. Have I felt hungry? Not really. Have I been exercising? Every single day since Jan. 3.

It's going to be trickier at 42-7/8.

And there, gentle blog readers, is installment one of True Life Tales from the Scale.

Stay tuned…

Making a Difference

This past Christmas, Dan wrapped up a small gift to be opened down at his parents’ farm during our family gathering. The gift was a deck of cards called 52 Ways to Make a Difference and it was a fabulous idea, but what happened was that someone opened it while Dan was in another room, and no one knew what to do with it, so it just sort of sat there, intact and unimplemented.

Dan plans to make sure that everyone from his family eventually chooses two cards from the deck to use as both inspiration and goals for the year, in an effort to “make a difference.”

This past weekend, when Dan explained to me the purpose behind the gift, he told me to pick out my cards. I asked if it had to be a blind draw and he said no, just pick two that speak to you. Well, alrighty then, I will.

The process wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. Let me share with you some of the cards I voted down:

Hello, Nature? Have we met? EXACTLY. I flipped past this one so quickly I nearly gave myself a paper cut. Next.

I'm sorry, but you can pry the Internet from my cold, dead, mouse-clicking hand, thank you very much. And if you think you’re taking Facebook away from me, in the words of Judas Priest, you’ve got another thing comin.’ Next.

I already do this because I never leave the house. There is no need for me to be environmentally friendlier, lunch-wise, than I already am when eating my 5-point lunch on good old fashioned ceramic plates. Unless I were to eat in the nude. But I’m not sure how that would lessen my use of plastic. If anything, it would probably increase my use. Next.

I think we need to be really clear here, because my corner store is Super America, and the only thing they sell is gas, candy and cigarettes. And I don’t think the intention here is for me to start smoking again. But if it “makes a difference,” well, then I may have to reconsider. Next.

Sure. I’ll share. As soon as you up my daily points to 55, Weight Watchers. Next.

You mean less than I shop now? I’ve worked my orange sweatshirt six ways to Sunday. Really. I can’t see how that’s making a difference other than impressing everyone I know with my stellar sense of fashion. Next.

With my neurotic tendencies and early 40s mood swings, I couldn’t say “I’m sorry” more if I tried. In fact, I invented “I’m sorry.” Next.

And so… after a bit of cheekiness (and really, all of the above things are great ideas, with the exception of "Be in Nature"), I did arrive at two that rang true to me. The first one, is this:

And the back of this card reads:

I couldn't have written it better, with the exception of the line referring to nature. It's exactly one of the things I'm trying to do this year. Take care of me. If mama's good, goodness will flow. Or so it goes.

The other card I chose is this one:

This is something I plan to do, now, today... and to remind myself to do more. I really tend to hole up here in my little world and not reach out more to remind those people who I'm blessed to call friends how much I appreciate them. The back of this card reads:

I realize that both of my card choices are much more related to internal differences rather than external ones. But I'm a live from the heart and the gut kind of girl, and they just rang very true to what matters to me right now.

Even without the deck of cards, it's fun to muse about what small differences you can make. No, really. It is. Try it.

But for crying out loud, if you're going to try it in nature, you're on your own.

It's been one week on Weight Watchers Online (and I feel fine)

I know I said I would only post once monthly about this whole mind-body-food-health-connection thing, but right now, it's pretty much consuming (no pun intended) my every waking minute, as I get myself back into a whole new (well, it's more like "selectively forgotten' than 'new') mindset.

It's funny how when you go back to eating healthy, you suddenly remember that you LOVE Wasa Sourdough crispbread, and that six thin slices of Buddig Honey Turkey can be stretched out if you're creative with it. Or there are delightful surprises, like these Kettle Bakes Lightly Salted Potato Chips which are just two points a serving and quite possibly better than an orgasm.

I have exercised every morning, early, because that's the only time I can make it work. 30 minutes on my treadmill. I'm not doing anything crazy like running or jogging. I'm just walking and trying to not hold onto the treadmill bar the whole time while I'm down in the basement. (And I think we all remember what my "workout studio" looks like.)

I've also managed to log over 10,000 steps each day. This is a bit of a challenge when you're anchored to your tushka for your job. My solution? When my sweet managing editor Angie calls, (or anyone, for that matter) I get up, put on my phone headset, and walk the talk. I walk from my living room to my kitchen to my 'scrap room', and repeat. I probably look like a freak of nature to anyone peering in my windows, taking laps around my main floor like that, but who's to say they'd be far off the mark? If I'm talkin', I'm walkin'.

And I make a point of getting up every half an hour and just moving somewhere. Even if it's just to the bathroom, and with all this damned water I'm drinking, that's more like every 15 minutes. I swear, I am earning 2,000 steps a day just from going to the bathroom.

It's all baby steps people. Baby steps.

Tomorrow is my first weigh in. I'm only going to weigh myself once a week. Because I'm doing the online version of the plan, this is as simple as walking into my bathroom, expelling all the breath from my lungs, and gingerly stepping onto the scale. Naked, of course. Everyone knows how socks and undies throw off the final tally. 

A few of you had commented about being brave to post my weight, but I don't see it that way at all. It's a number. That's all. I could weigh exactly the same, but drop two pants sizes and what would that number really mean?

But numbers motivate me. I have a little OCD working for (or against) me. Weight loss is physics. Eat less. Move more. See numbers change. It appeals to my analytical nature.

Of course, so do these.

Like I said, baby steps, people. Baby steps.

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One other thing: I must have been living inside a musical cave, because I just bought my first album by Ray LaMontagne, and seriously? I am mesmerized. Mes. Mer. Ized. This song in particular is the one that did me in. I'm sure a lot of you out there are already fans, but if you're like me and missed this boat somehow, do check him out.

I will be picking up his other records in short order.

Have a great weekend.

First Month on The Plan

So I did it. I rejoined Weight Watchers Online on Saturday. Day 1. Ahhhh… it brings back so many memories of moderation.

I plan to post on the first monday of each month, as it relates to my quest for reduced poundage. Just one post, per month, to either celebrate victory, or lament failure. With each post I will report on the following things:

1. My current weight (as of Saturday, it is 175.)

2. My current fitness plan (as of Saturday, it is called "walking on a treadmill, briskly, for 30 to 40 minutes every day… at least that is the goal.)

3. My mental space (as of Saturday, I would probably kill a small animal for a Butterfinger.)

And of course, I will also be covering things such as:

a. whining and complaining about feeling hungry, even though I'm not actually feeling hungry because I'm eating "filling" foods.

b. whining and complaining because I wasn't born naturally thin, and am somehow convinced that thin people have no issues whatsover.

c. whining and complaining that I want to enjoy being healthy a hell of a lot more than I actually am.

That gives you an idea of what you're in for on the first Monday of each month.

Enticing. I know!

So I'm starting small. My first goal (as of Saturday) was to make it until noon without freaking out. Then 6 p.m. Then to bed. And guess what? I did it. And on Sunday, too.

The next goal is to get into the habit of doing the healthy living thing. Third is to hit a 5% weight loss, which will put me at around 166.3, or so.

Then I will create new goals from there. And, I'll try to share any awesome healthy foods I find along the way. (I also encourage you guys to post your healthy secrets!)

Dan, who loves me no matter what size I am as long as I will still agree to go clothes-less from time to time and hug him in a special way, told me just to take it slow and steady. No crazy goals. Just slow and steady. And he also said, in preparation to be on the receiving end of my lower fat cooking, "Bring on the rabbit food!"

So for Month 1, this is Cathy Zielske reporting from Rabbit Food Central. Check back in one month for more riveting tales from the scale.